A mind is a simple thing to waste...
...and I almost lost mine!
A few months ago I began to slip into depression, something that I'd experienced many times before but never to this degree, especially with the high level of anxiety involved. I was diagnosed with clinical depression, but believe me when I say that giving it a name didn't help a bit. I knew that I was really sick and getting sicker, and I wasn't sure that I was going to recover from it.
To explain depression to you normal folks (whatever that means) out there is pretty hard, but I'll give it a shot anyway. Imagine yourself stuck in a black hole with only a glimpse of the world above. You can see it, but you have no interest in it and can't participate in it even if you wanted to because...well...because you just can't. You don't care about anything that you have always been passionate about and see no hope in the future, even when you know that you should. In my case I was also experiencing unexplainable intense body aches, headaches and pain like I'd never felt before, so throw that into your scenario too. Yep, you guessed it, depression sucks!
I actually had to focus all of my attention on accomplishing one simple daily task like doing a load of laundry, taking the kids to school, or talking to Grannygear on the phone. Working was out of the question, and checking emails, following up on phone calls and writing became impossible. Pretty pathetic to say the least.
They say that 'that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger', but I'm not quite feeling superhuman yet so we'll just wait and see. Since I'm able to write today for the first time in months I'd have to say that I'm on the road to recovery but I have been warned that it won't be a fast one. I feel like I've missed a few months and have a lot to make up for, but I've got to be careful to not take on too much too fast and trigger it all over again. That said, I covet your prayers for the future.
Lastly, I can't imagine going through this without my faith in God and the support of my wife Leslie, and good old Granny. I'm extremely thankful to have them all on my side.
Back from the (almost) dead,
The Captain <><
A few months ago I began to slip into depression, something that I'd experienced many times before but never to this degree, especially with the high level of anxiety involved. I was diagnosed with clinical depression, but believe me when I say that giving it a name didn't help a bit. I knew that I was really sick and getting sicker, and I wasn't sure that I was going to recover from it.
To explain depression to you normal folks (whatever that means) out there is pretty hard, but I'll give it a shot anyway. Imagine yourself stuck in a black hole with only a glimpse of the world above. You can see it, but you have no interest in it and can't participate in it even if you wanted to because...well...because you just can't. You don't care about anything that you have always been passionate about and see no hope in the future, even when you know that you should. In my case I was also experiencing unexplainable intense body aches, headaches and pain like I'd never felt before, so throw that into your scenario too. Yep, you guessed it, depression sucks!
I actually had to focus all of my attention on accomplishing one simple daily task like doing a load of laundry, taking the kids to school, or talking to Grannygear on the phone. Working was out of the question, and checking emails, following up on phone calls and writing became impossible. Pretty pathetic to say the least.
They say that 'that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger', but I'm not quite feeling superhuman yet so we'll just wait and see. Since I'm able to write today for the first time in months I'd have to say that I'm on the road to recovery but I have been warned that it won't be a fast one. I feel like I've missed a few months and have a lot to make up for, but I've got to be careful to not take on too much too fast and trigger it all over again. That said, I covet your prayers for the future.
Lastly, I can't imagine going through this without my faith in God and the support of my wife Leslie, and good old Granny. I'm extremely thankful to have them all on my side.
Back from the (almost) dead,
The Captain <><
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