Saved by a Turkey Baster

As a self confessed professional frozen pizza chef I’ve never looked at kitchen utensils and appliances as merely food preparation items, in fact their dual-purpose utility continues to amaze me.

Take for example the warming up of 90-weight gear oil in the oven. I’ve found that this method increases the flow-a-bility of the oil tenfold, and of course that gets me right back in my bark-o-lounger where I wanted to be in the first place a whole lot faster. Just a little tip - Always remember to turn on the exhaust fan and make sure that your wife won’t be back for a couple of hours, cuz the aroma of hot 90-weight isn‘t listed as a fragrance in her Partylite Candle catalog for a reason.

Then there’s always shaping gaskets with the pizza cutter, mixing toluene and solvent-based concrete and masonry sealer in the measuring cup, and of course borrowing a toothbrush to clean small parts…oops, wrong room!

This morning I was checking vitals under the hood of the Super Duty and noticed that one of the cells in the passenger side Interstate battery was a bit dry. So I headed for the kitchen to borrow my wife’s turkey baster and grabbed a jug of distilled water from the laundry room.

Back at the truck everything was going as planned and I was feeling pretty good about myself for performing a little preventative maintenance before the actual side-of-the-road, parking lot, trailhead breakdown which seems to be the norm for me. Okay, let me clarify…I was feeling pretty good until the 2-ton hood of the Super Duty came crashing down, hitting me in the top of the head and smashing my hand! Almost immediately, between the stars spinning ‘round my head and the instantaneous vocabulary review, I also realized that the hood’s safety latch was working perfectly and my right hand was trapped between the hood and the top of the fender.

Funny how your body and mind can muster defined clarity and an instant means of escape when pain hits. Somehow, with my svelte 50-year old body exhibiting the flexibility of a teen gymnast I swung around with my back to the fender and unlatched the hood with my left hand, freeing my right hand from a very painful predicament.

As luck, fate or Devine intervention would have it the turkey baster didn’t break and seems to have actually lessened the blow to my hand since it was also wedged between the hood and the fender. Actually, as I sit here typing this with my left hand and a headache, I’m not sure if the turkey baster saved me or me it. Either way we’ll both be okay.

Unfortunately this is yet another one of those many, many, many stories that I’d love to tell my wife, but since it is her turkey baster and I like peace and quiet in our home it shall remain a secret between you and me. It’s not like she reads my blogs anyway!

The Captain <><